Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
