yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
