I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
