thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
