I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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