He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
