My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
