I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
