If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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