You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
