You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
