I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
