My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
