all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
