Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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