i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
