Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
