oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
