eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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