He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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