How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
