& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
