He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
