goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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