How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
