Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
