like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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