I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
