I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
