dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
