I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish there were birth control emojis
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
