so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
