Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
