thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
