wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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