Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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