Kiss
Puke
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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