just tell him i said nine months
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
