When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
