Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
