Already got asked if we're dating
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
