Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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