Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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