I hate your face
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
