Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
