The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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