he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
