proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
