Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
