we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The power of my boobs compel you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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