DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
