my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
