whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
