absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
